Sandy Hook parents offer community support, policy advice after Annunciation shooting

WASHINGTON — Nicole Hockley’s 6-year-old son Dylan was one of 20 first graders killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting that horrified the nation and ushered in the grim realization that America’s children might not be safe in their classrooms.  

Hockley and other Sandy Hook parents turned their grief into activism to try to prevent the violence that claimed the lives of their loved ones. Hockley helped establish and is the CEO of Sandy Hook Promise, which breathed life into a movement spearheaded by victims of gun violence. The organization not only seeks to strengthen gun regulations, but it also lobbies for effective school safety policies and mental health and crisis intervention resources.

There have been dozens of school shootings since that massacre in Newtown, Conn., which also claimed the lives of six adults. They have occurred most notably in Parkland, Florida; Uvalde and Santa Fe, Texas; and Oxford Township, Michigan. But Hockley said Sandy Hook Promise policies have prevented other shootings and saved the lives of many people contemplating suicide.

Hockley, who provides support for the families of shooting victims, has already spoken with a parent of one of the victims of the Annunciation Catholic Church shooting in Minneapolis and her team at Sandy Hook Promise is in contact with state legislators who will consider new gun and school safety measures at a special session called by Gov. Tim Walz, who has said he wants an assault weapons ban.

Related: D.C. Memo: Sandy Hook and now Annunciation

Hockley spoke to MinnPost about the steps Minnesota could take in the wake of the Annunciation shooting and the long-term impact of a school shooting on a community. The following conversation has been edited for length and clarity:

MinnPost: Did you know what you were getting into when you became a gun safety advocate?

Nicole Hockley: I am very honest when I speak to parents in other school shootings or mass shootings across the country, including Minnesota two weeks ago, that when I first helped launch this I did not know what I wanted Sandy Hook Promise to be or what exactly we were going to do. I just know that if you want to advocate for change, this is something that you can do.

Then it became a lesson for me. We started off down in D.C., advocating for [expanded FBI] background checks because everyone was saying that that was the thing to do at that point. And then when that failed four or five months after the shooting, in April 2013, that could have been a moment when we said “this is too frustrating, change isn’t going to happen.” But instead we decided to think differently because there is always more than one way to solve a problem.

MP: And what were those other ways?

NH: We really focused on the causes of violence and prevention and the long pathway that someone could take, including giving off signs before they commit an act of violence. So we developed our program and our policy approach. We began in 2014, and since then Sandy Hook Promise has grown at a phenomenal rate in terms of programs in schools across the country. We teach young people and adults around them how to recognize the signs of someone who might be at risk of hurting themselves or someone else, and how to say something and how to create connection – because disconnection is how this pathway to violence starts.

MP: But you try to change laws too, don’t you?

NH: We advocate for policy on a state and federal level. We write model legislation. And we passed our model legislation under three presidents and in numerous states across the country that are mandating access to mental health, support for school safety, support for gun safety.

MP: And you have been in touch with the parent of a victim in the Annunciation shooting?

NH: We rarely reach out, knowing what it’s like right after a shooting, and how you know people and groups will be crawling all over you. We often wait to be reached out to. So there have been instances such as Uvalde, where I think I waited about six months before I reached out to any of the parents there. [Sandy Hook parent] Mark [Barden] and I have both spoken to one of the parents who reached out to us a few days after the [Annunciation] shooting. We’re just there as a resource as families find their way forward. In these early days, it’s just about listening and being there for someone without any expectations.

MP: Gov. Walz wants to convene a special session of the Legislature to deal with the shooting. Is Sandy Hook Promise suggesting anything?

NH: I can’t share the details because we’re still formulating our plans and are in early discussions with different legislators, but everyone wants to do something, which is great. So we’re going to, as we always do, give our best advice and support on what would be meaningful and what could be implemented in a way that would help prevent these types of shootings.

For example, Minnesota has an extreme risk protection order on the books already. Considering how many signs the Annunciation shooter gave off, there could have been an opportunity for that extreme risk protection order to be enacted so that the shooter was separated from firearms, or access to firearms. What we don’t know yet is how many Minnesotans know that the state has an extreme risk protection order (red flag) law and how it works, so that if they see the signs, they know how to report it in a lawful way. So it could be as simple as creating more education and awareness.

MP: Some Minnesota lawmakers want to make sure there are school resource officers at every school.

NH: School resource officers are perfect for creating relationships with students, but not for punitive measures. The Annunciation school shooter shot from outside the building, right? So, it’s hard to know how an SRO would have helped. Same with the Sandy Hook shooter. He shot his way into the school, you know, he shot his way through the locked doors. And some people say, if an SRO had been there, they would have been able to stop him. Others say [the SRO] would have been the first person shot. Or you’ve also seen, in places like Uvalde, the SROs were completely ineffective and ran away from the shooting rather than going towards it.

It’s a mixed bag… So I don’t have an opinion either way on SROs. I think it all depends on the circumstance. They can be a deterrent, but they’re not going to prevent violence.

MP: What else could be done?

NH: Basic prevention training in schools so that youth and adults know how to recognize signs and then report them, either through something like a red flag law or through an anonymous reporting system. That’s important, because people need to be able to recognize signs and know what to do when you see them. That’s what we do every single day.

There are also opportunities for secure storage laws because we know, unfortunately, most school shootings involve guns within the home. I know that this shooter had obtained guns legally. That’s not always the case. It’s quite often a younger shooter who takes the guns from their home where their parents have not securely stored them. So secure storage is also an option. But I think as we learn more about the case itself, and what legislators are thinking, we’ll be able to help them craft appropriate legislation.

MP: It’s been a tough path for you and the others at Sandy Hook Promise, Mark Barden and Bill Sherlach, whose wife Mary died holding Dylan in her arms. (Mary Sherlach was the school’s psychologist.)

NH: Advocacy is a very difficult life to choose. I’m very upfront about that. It’s around 13 years after Sandy Hook and it’s exhausting to constantly retraumatize yourself. It’s exhausting to continue to fight for something that is so sensible and normal – keeping kids safe – and still to have barriers.

But there’s a lot of success. We have passed so many laws, we have accelerated a new movement. And we have saved a lot of lives. Over a thousand imminent suicides have been stopped because of our training so far. At last count there were 18 validated school shootings that did not happen because of our training and our reporting system. So we know what works and that’s what keeps me going. But that is a difficult choice to make, especially when you are grieving and still traumatized.

MP: You also said a school shooting also leaves a community traumatized.

NH: This is a long journey. Almost 13 years out, we are still dealing with the aftereffects, the mental health issues, support needed for young people, the support needed for first responders, the support needed for families. The ripple effects of trauma are huge and everlasting.

So I think the community is going to need a lot of support, a lot of grace as they get through this, because this is incredibly difficult. And you just can’t understand how hard it is until you’ve experienced something like that, and how fracturing it can be within a community as well. Whatever works for you, give yourself compassion, model compassion to others, and also know that there’s no getting over this, but there is going to be a pathway through it and everyone is going to find their own way.

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