50 years later, from addiction to recovery and resilience

Fifty years ago, I walked the halls of Eden Prairie High School. I felt invisible at home and at school. While my classmates celebrate our 50th reunion this weekend, I honor my choice not to attend. Back then, I didn’t have a voice, but now, decades later, I am finally able to tell my story.

In high school, I played the “look good” part: getting straight A’s, working a job and keeping a low profile. Underneath that exterior, though, I was in emotional turmoil. I was high every day. I started each morning smoking marijuana with friends from school, kept drinking through the day and smoked more at night. School itself was initially my refuge, but drugs and alcohol quickly claimed me.

By senior year, at age 17, I was drowning in despair and couldn’t keep going. I swallowed many sleeping pills. I was declared dead on arrival, revived and in a coma for seven days. I woke up angry, not grateful, because I didn’t have the skills to live life.

What saved me was something rare in 1974: Fairview Southdale Hospital had an adolescent psychiatric unit. The staff evaluated me for drug and alcohol addiction. They invited a woman from Alcoholics Anonymous to speak with me. She looked me in the eye and said, “You’re not crazy. You’re an alcoholic and addict. You need treatment.” She told me, “Try sobriety for one year. If you don’t like it, you can always have your misery refunded.”

Those words stuck. I was referred to Jamestown Adolescent Treatment Center near Stillwater, where I began learning the tools that made life possible.

Sobriety marked only the start of a long journey.

But sobriety was just a start. Three years in, my mental health unraveled, leading to a bipolar diagnosis. Medication and therapy became essential. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) later taught me to balance emotions and relationships. Healing also meant facing family trauma and complex PTSD.

Along the way, I came out as a lesbian in a world that barely had words for LGBTQ identity. During my recovery, I’ve lost my parents, my brother and a former partner. I survived stage three cancer, asthma, grief and heartbreak. I also watched friends in recovery, thrive and some died.

And yet, life expanded. I have become a psychologist, a mom, an aunt, a musician, a writer, a friend, a colleague, a partner, a spiritual person and, most importantly, a resilient human being. My past doesn’t define me. Recovery, therapy, faith and community taught me that survival is not enough. We also need purpose. With a smaller practice, I now ask: What comes next? What will push me forward? These new questions matter as much as those from my youth. 

To my classmates celebrating tonight: I may not have known you back then because I was too lost in addiction, but I honor you. We made it 50 years beyond high school, through the struggles we’ve faced. And to anyone who feels hopeless, as I once did: There is help. There is recovery, medication, therapy, friendship and faith. You are not alone.

Fifty years later, I am grateful. Grateful for Fairview Southdale, for Jamestown, for the 12 Steps, for the therapists and sponsors who didn’t give up on me, for God’s grace, and for those who loved me until I could love myself.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s this: living fully means seeking meaning, connection and hope. May we grow into new chapters of life with courage, compassion and gratitude.

Laura Petracek, Ph.D., LCSW, is the author of “The DBT Workbook for Alcohol and Drug Addiction,” “The Anger Workbook for Women” and a regular blogger for Psychology Today. She holds a Ph.D. in psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies, an MSW from Yeshiva University, and a bachelor’s degree from Hamline University. Trained in CBT, DBT, ACT and EMDR, she specializes in trauma, addiction, women’s issues and LGBTQ+ mental health. She maintains a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area.

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